Dear Black Guy,
I am a 29 year old professional woman who has been dating an amazing guy for 7 months now. He is understanding, he listens, he tells me he loves me all the time, and he’s attentive to my needs. He’s 28 y/o and is very professionally driven. I’m seriously starting to view him as a potential life partner. We mutually made it official after four months of dating. Not to mention, we have great sex.
Aside from all this, I’m very concerned about one thing- I get the cold shoulder most weekends. WE’VE ONLY GONE OUT TWICE ON THE WEEKEND: Our first date, and then another about a month ago. Given that we are both young professionals and live across town from each other (about 20 mins drive in no traffic), the best time to see each other and spend quality time is on the weekends. From Friday to Sunday he usually tells me he’s: Cleaning up, catching up with friends, tired from the work week and needs to relax, or he seems to find some other excuse to not see me. I don’t want to be pushy about this because he’s a great guy, but I’m starting to feel that I deserve more. Please help!
BLACK GUY RESPONSE:
As a young professional woman you are at a very critical time in your life. From what I’ve read he sounds like an amazing guy who’s trying his best to manage multiple things going on in his life. I believe one day he’s going to make a great spouse for someone- but not soon, and probably not with you. Here’s why:
Guys prescribe to a set of unwritten and unspoken dating laws. Within those laws lists a clear hierarchy of dating practices. I could go into detail, but instead, I’ll speak specifically to the subject at hand. Honey, you’re likely the side chick. Most guys reserve coveted weekend quality time with their main squeeze, and side chicks get the odds-n-ends times: After/Before the gym, immediately after work, the spur of the moment “Let me take you to lunch,” or immediately after church. The main reason is because these times can easily be masked behind a lie to the main chick.
Again, I do believe he’s a nice guy. Unfortunately, I think he’s the type that’s so nice that he doesn’t want to hurt you by telling you that he has a girlfriend. On the flip- There’s the option, that he has not mastered the art of juggling the important things in his life. He is a very young man. But if he’s as open to your needs as you say he is, you need to make your concerns known and if you don’t see a shift. Move along. He seems to have every other quality you desire, so try to be patient with him, in the meantime, if there aren’t any changes, it’s best you move along (or at least get you a weekend boo).
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