Dear Black Guy,

Me and my best friend have been cool for over 14 years now. We’re really close and have been through so much together. Although he has some major flaws, he’s proven himself a real friend when I felt the world was against me.

Aside from all his great qualities, my homey is a hoe. There’s no other way to say it- He’s a complete womanizer. To my knowledge, he’s never been faithful in a relationship, and he only dates women for sex. After he hits it, it’s only a matter of time before he’s on to the next one.

As his best friend, he’s shared the stories of some of his escapades with me. I get to live vicariously through him because I’m really not interested in the “Player,” lifestyle he leads. It has been all fun and games, but I’m at a point where I really want to settle down with the right one. Settling down has been extremely difficult because we’re physically attracted to the same type of woman. In addition, we’re physically similar: We’re both 6 ft, weigh around 200 lbs, have the same hair cut, body build, and have similar complexions.

On surface, we’re the same guy, so our dating paths easily cross. When a woman says “You remind me of someone,” I know there’s a 99.9% chance that they’re talking about my homeboy. I refuse to settle down with someone he’s banged-up, and he’s banged-up every woman we both know. I really don’t know what to do.

BLKGUY RESPONSE:

Your concerns are legit and here’s the truth of the matter- Your options are very limited in this situation. My opinion is not the most popular in this situation. The big steps in life require isolation in order to move into them. It sounds like your friend is creating way too much noise in your space in order for you to grow into the next phase.

I suspect that y’all used to have similar “Whore-ish” tendencies and you’ve probably grown up and out of that childish mentality. If that’s the case, you should evaluate your overall evolution to see if your friend still fits the direction you’re headed in life. I’m not saying you should ditch your loyal friend for a date, that’s dangerous, but you should assess how much access you all have in each other’s lives. People outgrow each other, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

As a friend, can you help your boy with his womanizing tendencies? It’s not mentally sound, nor is it healthy. As men, we really need someone to help check us when we’re getting careless. Have you shared your concerns with him, or are you afraid that it’ll make you look soft? Would you trust your future wife around him?

I’m just throwing things out there so that you can get a feel for where your friend stands in your life. No one wants to have the thoughts of their partner being with their best friend. I’m a firm believer that if you hit it once, you can hit it again…

I may need a little help with this one. Tell us what you think in the comments section below.

BLKGUY.