Dear Black Guy,

My only son is 23 years old and needs help. My young King was in college until he got involved with a 30 year old lady who lives in another city, has 2 kids, and an ex husband. My son gathered all his belongings and left home to be with this lady. He just informed me that he would not be returning to college and I am completely heartbroken.

Whatever that lady tell’s him to say and do, he does. We are parents who are trying to save our only child. Please help us.


You may not want to hear what I’m going to say about this subject. First, I’m extremely proud that you and your son’s father raised a young man who graduated High School and matriculated to college. Given that he is your only son, and that you referenced him as “King,” I know you care deeply for him and have really big expectations for your son.

That’s all great.

Here’s my concern (and I could be wrong), but you seem like you may be a very strong mother. Believe it or not, I strongly believe that people seek partners who remind them of the type of bond they  have with their parents OR stumble through life searching for a partner to give them the emotional things that their parent did not give them.

In your son’s case, I think the former is true and that he likes the 30yr old’s strength. In many ways, the woman he quit school to date probably reminds him of you. You trained him to do as he’s told, that’s why he’s doing everything she tell’s him to do.

Here’s the light at the end of the tunnel… Your son likely does not have the mind, skills, and income to raise two children. After the sex wears off (because that’s probably what has this young man hooked), they’ll both come to their senses. She’ll realize she’s playing with a man-child who’s presently unequipped to raise her kids, and he’ll realize that he’s selling his potential short and get back on track.

That’s if she doesn’t get pregnant… If she does, that’s a whole nutha situation.

You need to relax and understand that as a mother you’ve done the best you can raising him. Trust that the things you placed in him will come forth when needed. You cannot control what happens in his life and your opinion about who he’s dating will only drive him further from you. Things will soon turn around, be patient.