Dear Black Guy,

I guess you could call me a “Gym Rat.” I used to be a fat guy and very out-of-shape, but now that fitness has entered my life, I literally can’t get enough of the feeling I get when I’m working out and eating healthy. By the way, I’m not bragging, but I look damn good now. Anywho let me get to the point.

I have a consistent workout schedule: 7am and 6:30pm Monday – Thursday, 5pm on Friday, and 9:30am on Saturdays. I’ve been doing that rotation for about 2 years now. As a result, I pretty much know the faces of the people who are in the gym around the same time as myself.

Fast forward, I met this gorgeous Arabian girl I’d never seen at the gym before about 2 months ago. I could tell she worked out regularly and took great care of her body. We caught eyes quite a bit and every chance I could get, I made sure to flex a muscle or two in front of her just to see if she was watching. One evening we were leaving the gym around the same time, and I politely asked if I could walk her to her car. Surprisingly she responded “About time.” She told me that she didn’t know if I was crazy or not so I could not walk her to her car, but that we could exchange numbers and take it from there. Her aggressiveness was an extreme turn on for me.

Fast forward again… I got her number, texted here and there, talked a few times,  and about a week later- I hit it. She was very chill, and I figured we both knew what it was and kept it moving.

Bruh, my life has been a nightmare ever since. This chick is low key stalking me. She requested me on Facebook a couple days ago (even though I gave her a slightly different name). She is at the gym EVERY TIME I go, and looks at me crazy while I’m trying to workout. There’s nothing more frustrating than not being able to mentally get in the zone, because this girl is staring at me like “A Thin Line Between Love and Hate” from her treadmill.

She left a note on my car underneath my windshield wiper that said “Call Me.” Honestly… that was the last straw. I love my gym, and I want this crazy situation to be over with so I can get on with my regular workout routine.

What should I do?



Bruh… you know good and gatd@mn well you shouldn’t have done that.

First off, congrats on reaching your health and fitness goals. One of the keys to a great workout is the mental space you access while working out. Having a “Hit it and quit it,” stare you down while working out could be a become a serious issue.

Before suggesting how you could go about fixing this problem, let’s assess how you got here.

In your letter to #AskBLKGUY, you spent quite a bit of time describing yourself physically. Are you a bit self-centered and not aware of it. Is it possible that your narcissism is hiding itself from your frontal lobe because you still have the mind of an insecure fat person? Do you think you slept with her to reaffirm your new found sexy body? Is it possible that your narcissism is making this situation larger than it really is?

Ask yourself the tough questions. Look at yourself in the mirror, and do not lie as you answer them.

Here’s how you should handle the young lady… After doing the aforementioned assessment, share the results with her in a direct and non-disrespectful way. Let her know straight up that you have no other intentions for her and allow her the space to respond however she needs to.

Granted, given what you said, she may not be wrapped too tight- So you’re gonna have to deal with it until she’s over it. Furthermore, never take someone you’re dating, a significant other, or one of your parents to that gym… She’ll probably rightfully put you on blast.

In addition, you’re passing this interaction off very cavalier. I know you’re happy about your new body, but at some point you’re going to have to make these new girls pay for all the girls who overlooked you when you were fat. You’ve gotten your physical body together, now it’s time to work on your mind and spirit.


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